This is Our Forever
by El Leon Y La Oveja
Summary: Post-Breaking Dawn. Jasper POV. Everything has been resolved and the Cullen family is complete for the first time. Has Jasper finally found his place, with emotions that won't hurt him? What does he feel about his past life now? ONE-SHOT. Reviews welcome!


For the first time in centuries, I am one hundred percent comfortable with my surroundings. Everything is complete. My eternity has been set and now is the time to live it.

No wonder my life had felt so wrong before I started my journey into this world. Everything had been wrong, a bottomless pit of hate, negativity and despair. The worst part was that I was trapped in a vicious circle. The more I tried to get on with my life, the more I was sucked into the crazed reality that I had come to accept. How I'd ever broken free of that life was a wonder. All the people in it were so blinkered, so blind to anything else. I was born into a human life of bloodshed and war and that was exactly how my next existence had been. Dictated by death, my world was miserable. I didn't trust anyone, I betrayed my closest friends, they betrayed me in return and I was stuck with the view that such horror was all that life had to offer me. Over death, I would have taken it that half-life, desperate as I was to stay alive. I refused to lose a fight and I certainly wasn't going to give up.

It was some time before I realised that life was not merely something to be endured and preserved at all costs. It was not an essential part of survival to fight for life. I had believed that it was fighting and winning that qualified people for the right to survive. Those who won their battles were rewarded with life. Those who failed, those who lost, would suffer the consequences and pay with their lives. Survival of the fittest. Evolution. Even before Darwin's theory, I had that idea in my mind. Stronger creatures lived on where the weak did not.

Oh, how wrong I was. And how many centuries it took me to finally understand that I wasn't happy. I felt the hurt, the pain, the jealousy and hate all around me and I lived each day with those emotions pulsing throughout my being. I truly believed that the world was filled with negativity and evil because that was all that I had ever known. When I finally decided to break away, I was not consciously searching for a new life but I just wanted, no, _needed_ to leave all the bitterness behind me. I couldn't survive for much longer in such constant threat. I watched my back at all times, suspicious of everything and everyone, even those closest to me. I'm sad to say that I judged all other creatures by my own standards. I was prepared to dispose of enemies, of threats, no matter who they were and I was sure that everyone else extended the same attitude out to me. I wasn't able to be with anyone. I didn't trust the creatures who lived alongside me. Deep down, I didn't even trust myself.

Then everything changed. My old way of living was not the only way, I discovered. I met _her _and together, we travelled into a new life. It was as easy as if someone had wiped my entire past clean, like clear glass. And it was as hard as if my memories were lingering beside me, permanently reminding me of how I had lived.

My new family were different to my other companions. They refused to kill and murder. The very second that I stepped into their home, I felt such strange emotions radiating from them. They were so welcoming and loving. At first, I was trepidatious. I regretted that I couldn't really trust them. I trusted _her _more than the others but still, not enough. Not a quarter as much as I would grow to. It took me time, a long time to feel comfortable, to relax and to fit in. I had more trouble adjusting to their peaceful lifestyle than any of them had ever experienced. I had been running wild for too long to snap out of it so quickly. They were more supportive than I could ever have asked, far more so than I deserved. Trying was a constant battle for me. I tried all the time, everyday was a fight. Most days, I won. Occasionally, I lost.

One particular loss will always stand out in my memories. I'll feel guilty for the rest of eternity because I wasn't strong enough to give something back to my family, I wasn't strong enough to stay in control when it really mattered. I'm thankful that the loss was only temporary but still, it was something that should never have happened. After that, I made even more of an effort and wished never for that to occur again. Even with my talented mate, I can't always be sure of everything. Nothing in the future is set in stone; that I have learnt in my long lifetime, if not much else.

It was just me who had trouble with my control. Our newest sister took to this life like a moth to a flame. She walked right into our family and never once looked back; to this day she has not faltered once. At first, I was insanely jealous and I resented her for being able to fit in where she so clearly belonged. Did her rapid adaptation mean that she was meant for this life whereas I was not? Wasn't I suited to the world that I had tried to force myself into?

After time alone with my thoughts, I knew that I belonged in the family just as much as she did. Shortly following her rebirth into our world, events came to take place that would ensure that I never doubted a single member of my family again, most importantly, myself. We stood together, we did not use physical force and we won. I had never been so shocked, awed and delighted in all my centuries of living. Things that I had never known before suddenly made perfect sense and I realised that this is where I am supposed to be, with this family. With my family.

Unlike Alice, I don't know exactly what the future holds but I am certain of one thing at least. This household is complete. Over the years, we have progressed and now we can proudly call ourselves a family. A family in every sense minus the blood relations. And a happy family.

Emotions haven't been so settled and content within this house...ever. As I sit here, I can say that everything has come together. Our family is calm, relaxed and every single person within it is totally at peace with everyone else. There are no unresolved conflicts, no grudges, no secret resentment, just pure happiness and comfort that will last forever.


End file.
